Frugality Backfires
by Fenikkusu Ai
Summary: Illumi tries to be cheap for Hisoka's birthday, but Hisoka makes Illumi pay what he owes...somehow. Eventual adult situations. Late Hisoka birthday fic.


Title: Frugality Backfires

Author: Serpent at Sunset

Rating: M

Fandom: Hunter x Hunter

Pairing: Hisoka/Illumi

Words: 734

Genre: Humor/Romance

Summary: Illumi tries to be cheap for Hisoka's birthday, but Hisoka makes Illumi pay what he owes...somehow. Eventual adult situations. Late Hisoka birthday fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter x Hunter.

* * *

Sometimes, his partner in crime was rather infuriating to talk to.

"Just what do you want?" Illumi repeated. "Tell me."

The magician was evasive just like of his mother, Kikyo. Illumi could only wonder what that said about himself. He just wanted his pink-haired companion to make things easy. For once.

Hisoka's fingers touched his fingers to his lips. "You know me by now, Illumi. Something sweet. I like sweet things."

Illumi hadn't forgotten. The entertainer was fond of sweet liquor, candy, ice cream, fruit...

 _Fruit_. Hmm. He wondered how receptive that boy Gon would be to this situation. If only he knew how to procure him. If he captured him in a violent manner, it would make Hisoka angry. Touching him _period_ would make Hisoka angry.

In the end, Illumi decided to go on the Internet in the hopes of picking out something decent. He wondered somewhere in the back of his mind if he was becoming as lazy as Milluki. Well, he could afford to. He was the eldest son.

Armed with a goblet full of ruddy Merlot wine to facilitate the process, he silently browsed the expensive boutiques and high tier shops before a he arrived at a reasonable warehouse sale. The liquor was a tad expensive, but there was another item that might be appropriate...

Finally, the package he had been waiting for arrived. Just in time. A gift set with shampoo, body wash, body spray, and lotion. Shopping made simple. The clown would use it, and Illumi was sure that Hisoka would approve of the fragrance: strawberry sugar.

There was uncertainty clawing at his insides when Illumi arrived at his penthouse, but it was quickly replaced with annoyance at Hisoka's reaction.

" _Ooh_ , a box. For me?"

When Illumi nodded, without warning, Hisoka seized the box. He inspected it more with his hands instead of his eyes. "Too wide for a bottle. Some actual originality went into this."

Experimentally, he then shook it. Illumi was glad that there was nothing fragile inside it.

"Just open it," Illumi almost pleaded.

Hisoka patted the box again before he bestowed Illumi with a broad smile.

"Oh Illumi, you do care. "

From a cozy chair, Illumi watched as his rather bizarre friend unwrapped and opened the gift before lining the four bottles on the carpet like toys. He stared down as if admiring them all.

Illumi was mesmerized by Hisoka's movements. He often watched the magician's graceful hands though he wasn't aware if the entertainer knew about his fetish. Maybe he just kept it a secret to himself like damned near everything else.

"How exquisite. I wonder what it smells like."

Illumi waited. Hisoka was still staring at him.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" the magician purred. "Spray it on me." He displayed his wrist.

Hisoka probably didn't have anyone else. Illumi had a shortage of friends as well. No wonder they were almost cursed to rely on each other.

But, Illumi was getting irritated. "Can't you do it yourself?"

"I'm the birthday boy. I require assistance." Hisoka pouted.

The Zoldyck grudgingly uncapped the bottle and pressed down the nozzle. His lungs were already starting to itch. The only thing he allowed his skin to make contact with in the bath were pure organic herbs. The earth was pure. It was natural.

Immediately, Hisoka bent his head down and sniffed his arm.

"Hmm...sexy."

The magician licked his lips. Truly, he had a one-track mind.

"Spray some on yourself too," Hisoka suggested. "It's boring to do everything alone."

Illumi started to shake his head as he did not want to smell like a strawberry. Or sugar. Illumi supposed that he liked vanilla enough though. To eat, not to smell.

"Oh, well. Maybe we should proceed into the shower. That would be more fun. We'll see if the strawberry shampoo suits redheads or brunets. _I'm excited_."

How unfortunate. Illumi wasn't surprised, but he found rather rather inconvenient. He wanted to go home, but Hisoka was already tugging his arm.

"Don't forget about the cake...you'll stay for cake, won't you?"

Illumi silently gave thanks that Hisoka's birthday only came once a year which was more than could say for Hisoka.

Unwillingly, Illumi was dragged into the bathroom.

How did he even get into these situations...


End file.
